Thursday, July 26, 2012

And Breathe...

...ahhhh, doesn't that feel better?!
It's time to come clean, my little Fem De M-Ettes, I'm finally, truly, coming up for air & breathing deep, full breaths of fresh air after what must be the most harrowing two years of my life.  Our family & therefore family business, completely turned on it's head by a random health issue which has now left L'Homme with a permanent brain injury.
I don't want this to become a pity party, because despite the upheaval, the many inevitable changes and reality checks, there's been a positive light.
It has forced me to truly look at my life;
 who is in it? who can i call on?  who is for me? what needs attention? where might I find myself if I don't make certain decisions? The how this happened to L'Homme was explained the day he collapsed.  And I've not ever asked why, because truly, 'why not'?  Who am I to think that something of this scale couldn't happen to our family?

This incident forced me to be raw in a way I never had to be before.  A massive spotlight was shone onto our lives, everyone looking to either help, offer words of wisdom, learn or simply love us. The way we lived, the changes we needed to make, the way we have had to soldier on have been placed under a microscope and examined by professionals, family & friends.  And that is a challenge to say the least.  But it means you are forced to be stripped bare & with that rawness comes an inner strength & honesty....nothing can be hidden.  Not how you live, how you think, your true self is at the very surface.

So, I'm being honest with you now.  I love having a blog, but have barely been able to bring myself to look at it, as I've felt slight hypocritical, trying to bring sweetness & light, when the days have often been a little dark.  Most of the moments I'd be blogging or reading those of friends are now spent in the bath after I've put the Petits to bed.  Or I go to bed myself.

I am starting with baby-steps, now that L'Homme is happily living independantly with the freedom to work on himself & not worry about anything outside his personal progress....except for time with the Petits, which they all love. Now that I have emerged from my grief & confusion & feel grateful for the 19 years l'Homme & I shared together.  Now I have learnt how to live with a bruised heart & start living independantly as the sole carer of our two little boys.  Now that I am looking forward to the second half of my life with a full heart.

My blog baby-steps will be to write a post every Thursday, until I slowly build up to Tuesdays & then I may even throw in the odd Friday.  I am going to visit colleagues & retailers, art galleries, I'm going to continue building our business, attending lectures, listen to stories of creative lovelies & generally fill my own cup.

Thanks for reading, I hope it makes sense.  It's off the top of my head, I just needed to start a clean slate on this here blogosphere.  From now on, there's going to be more me & more honesty.
See you next Thursday xxx


pen said...

Go with the honesty, life is not all sweetness and light but, oh my how, those dark times can make the bright spots so much brighter and beautiful.
You have been amazing and brave and resourceful and have survived a harrowing time. Onwards and upwards FdeM!

tess said...

FdM, you continue to be an inspiration to me... I just know this new course will take you to grand and exciting heights! xxx

Raina Cox said...

I'll be here. With bells on.

janzi said...

How terribly brave of your to carry on as you are doing.. seeing your darling so changed must be a terrible thing, but you are so positive it is amazing how one can find the strength to get up each day.. never mind running a business and caring for two young children. My heart is with you, and I send you all the hugs and best wishes from the UK.. There will be another door opening for you, but in the meantime I wish for love to give you hope and strength.. J

Anonymous said...

It makes prefect sense as so do you.
Your husband always made me smile - his cheeky comments and his knowledge were always a bonus for me. I remember seeing you both in the shop talking and planning and being together while both having your own space and vibe.
I brought my teenage daughter in once and he was so kind and spent alot of time answering her questions and telling her about the history of the poster. She often talks about the shop and on a recent trip overseas she talked to the other people that were with us about what she had learnt from your lovely husband.
I always come back to your blog and hope that you are doing well and when I read what you had written it made prefect clear sense to me.
Keep doing what you are doing - you are amazing.
Take care of those babies and of course your lovely man.